


The Coldest Winter

by Toothlessturtle21



Series: Zangst Collection (Ninjago) [5]
Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, But not exclusively so, Christmas Based, Family, Family Feels, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Nobody dies in the fic but Dr Julien's death is a major plot point, poor zane is sad, written on a whim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:28:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21774457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toothlessturtle21/pseuds/Toothlessturtle21
Summary: Zane's father dies very shortly before the holidays, and an accidentally insensitive question from Darreth causes him to take his holiday vacation early, fleeing from the crew in the middle of the night. Was carving elaborate and depression ice sculptures just part of the grieving process, or was something truly wrong with the Ice Ninja?
Series: Zangst Collection (Ninjago) [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1468231
Comments: 8
Kudos: 90





	The Coldest Winter

It was Darreth that started it all.

It was an innocent question, really, he didn't mean anything by it.

It all started one bright December morning, when he was hanging around the school to check out how the ninja were transitioning to the teaching life.

"So, what're you all doing for the holidays?" He asked, the room hung in silence for a moment as the ninja thought.

"Kai and I are going back to Ignacia to see our old village," Nya offered, and the rest seemed to break out of their stupor.

"I'm going back to see my dad."

"Back to the junkyard, baby."

"My parents, uncle, and I are going to their old home."

All eyes turned towards the Ice Ninja, who was awkwardly leaning on the desk behind him, expression morose.

"Since my father passed two weeks ago, I was going to go back to the treehouse and clean it. I haven't been there since the funeral."

Now _that_ killed the mood. Darreth had kind of forgotten about the whole no-family-left thing, and now it was being rubbed in his face that he was returning back to his childhood home alone.

"Oh, sorry dude," Darreth tried to play it off, but the way the team seemed to deflate told him that the question had opened up a whole new can of worms.

* * *

The next day, the Ice Ninja was gone. All of the celebration was still a few weeks out, but that didn't stop Zane from taking his meager belongings and high-tailing it away from the abundance of adolescents. The other ninja tried not to feel hurt that there was no warning, but managing his unruly class right before they were released for break proved to be a challenge. After about a week with no Zane or his cooking, the group was getting antsy.

"Should we go and get him? I mean, I feel like him running off without any notice is really not like him," Jay asked, perched precariously on the counter in the break room.

"We probably should, it might be dangerous to leave him on his own. We all know how he reacts when he thinks something's his fault," Cole left the statement open ended, and the team nodded solemnly.

"Yeah, we should," Kai contended, and the other two agreed, Lloyd being at a ceremony quite the distance away. After cancelling classes and informing their Senseis and Nya of their plan, they left.

Once they arrived at Birchwood Forest, they were in for the first of many surprises. An ice sculpture, maybe about twenty feet tall, loomed over them. They scaled the nearby trees to look over it in earnest, and their hearts sunk with the sight.

It seemed to be a young Doctor Julien, and wrapped around his waist were the arms of a very bright-eyed Zane, clearly only a few years old.

"Is... is this part of the grieving process?" Kai asked, admiring the attention to detail. "Is this how Zane copes?"

"I don't know," Jay dropped down, brushing a hand across the base, the ice somehow colder than normal, he thought. "I wonder if there's more."

"The only way to find out is to keep walking," Jay shrugged, taking a picture with his phone just in case.

They kept trekking, and saw the telltale glint of ice through the trees.

This one was definitely more depressing. It depicted Zane on his knees, hugging the bedpost of his father's deathbed, the doctor's fingers threaded through his hair as he took his final breaths. The team stood in silence, Jay quickly snapping another photo before resting a flat hand on part of Zane's leg, his forehead coming into contact with the ice with a _thump_.

"This must be the first time," Cole murmured, Kai agreeing with a minute nod of his head. "Right before his memory switch was flipped."

When they eventually tore their gaze away from the melancholy sculpture, there was only a little distance in between them and the Ice Ninja's home. Wrapped around the trunk of the hollowed out tree was ice shards, spines stabbing into the air with hostility not usually characteristic of the gentle android.

Cole knocked on the metal door while Kai gauged the sharpness of the spikes, swearing as a bead of blood gathered on his fingertip from the slightest little prick. There was no response from inside the house, but when Cole tested the door, it was unlocked. They carefully tread inside, only to find it spotless. Everything was clean, all the knick-knacks were neatly arranged, and the blueprints were organized, including the ones of himself.

"Zane?" Kai called softly.

The silence was suffocating.

"Zane, buddy, c'mon. We just want to know you're okay," Jay pleaded, only to be greeted with nothing.

"We should check the other rooms, y'know?" Cole swallowed thickly, opening the door to the rest of the home, doors lining the short hallway. The bathroom was left ajar, the floor spotless. The first door was Zane's bedroom, the door decorated with little paper snowflakes created by the android in his younger years. They peered inside, only to see his bed made and desk dusted, but no android.

Lastly, there was the doctor's room.

"If he's in the house, he's in here," Kai said softly, and Jay braced himself before opening the door.

This room was not cleaned. There was a fine layer of dust over the items, and nothing had been rearranged from the inventor's chaotic style of organization.

The only different thing was the body on the bed.

Zane was wearing his father's coat, the beige material wrapped around his slimmer frame like a blanket. The Falcon perched on Zane's hip, and somehow the bird looked as if it were in mourning, just like if Zane was...

Jay panicked, and ran forwards, heart pounding as he gripped the android's wrist, and the others seemed to realize why the Lightning Ninja was scrambling, and rushed forward as well.

When he tore open the wrist panel to see the graphs lit up, he could've cried of relief. Of course, Zane picked the moment where they were all looming over him to wake up, and he startled back, hands flying back as he shut his wrist panel. The Falcon cawed angrily at the disruption and settled beside him on the bed.

"Zane, oh my god," Cole exhaled, and the Ice Ninja narrowed his eyes.

"Why are you here?" He asked point blank. The others shifted uncomfortably, looking to each other for any form of help.

"We were just making sure you're okay. It's not like you to run out without telling anyone," Kai explained, and Zane scanned them swiftly, cold blue eyes drinking in the information presented.

"While I appreciate the concern, I am fine. There is no need for worry," He reassured as calmly as he could, but the team could hear the brittleness in his voice.

"Well, have any idea when you'll be back?" Jay asked nervously, dreading the potential of the answer being _never_.

"Not at this time, no," Zane responded curtly, rising from the bed, exhaustion rattling his joints as they creaked to life. "Now if you would excuse me-"

"What about the ice sculptures?" Kai blurted, and the sharp elbow in his side from Cole indicated that it was a bad idea.

Zane didn't respond for a moment, eyelashes laying thick and heavy over his skin, brushing his cheeks.

"Leave, please," He muttered, head tilted downward. "I do not wish to be disturbed at this time."

"But Zane-" Jay began to beg, taking a step towards the Ice Ninja, whose eyes snapped open and the Lightning Ninja could see rage and mourning behind his gaze.

" _Leave_."

Rather than arguing and risking upsetting the android even more, Jay nodded meekly, and gently pulled the others behind him as they climbed the stairs in silence. Zane heard them leave, and let the tears roll down his cheeks as soon as he heard the heavy metal door softly shut.

* * *

Sensei was worried when the ninja came home obviously depressed and without the Ice Ninja. The first frantic thought in his mind was that Zane had quit and that he had decided to leave his found family behind to live in solitude, but his students reassured him that the Ice Ninja was alive and well, just still in mourning and a little mentally unstable. What bewildered Sensei the most were the pictures of the sculptures on Jay's phone.

He had never viewed Zane as a visually expressive person, being the embodiment of logos that he was, but the carefully crafted memorials to his father's life proved otherwise. The one that pictured him clinging to his father's death bed struck him the most, as he knew that the Ice Ninja was rather child-like up until that moment. The statue seemed to be simultaneously mourning the loss of a great inventor and the Ice Ninja's innocence, and Wu didn't know which one hurt more.

It was a sad celebration at the school when Zane failed to return for the holidays. The dinner traditionally cooked by Zane and Kai was rather flat without the Ice Ninja's finesse, and the cookies weren't quite the same without the carefully crafted frosting and decorations. Sensei hated seeing the team so sad before they went off to join their families, and he could feel that his nephew's mood wasn't quite all right either as they made the trek back to his old home.

Wu made the decision to check up on the Ice Ninja himself if he wasn't home by the time that they arrived home from their stay.

* * *

As fate would have it, Sensei found himself at the edge of Birchwood Forest, a coat layered on top of his usual robes. He followed the same path his students had a few weeks earlier, but there was something he stumbled across that made a twisting feeling stand out in his gut.

A third statue stood, this time of Zane holding his father's limp body, as the Ice Ninja had been the first one to discover his death early in the morning after he had been late to breakfast. The doctor's face was etched perfectly, and Sensei cringed at knowing that Zane's literally perfect memory would never let him forget a single detail of that morning. Interestingly enough, however, Zane had no face.

There was a blank curve of ice, as if the Ice Ninja had been hesitant to portray such an emotion despite having no qualms with carving it earlier. The statue was simply, no furniture or extra props, but it still caused the teacher to pick up his pace, eager to reach his grieving student. When he reached the treehouse, he knocked. It was a plain knock, just a few raps on the door.

But when the metal swung open, it was almost as if he had woken Zane up in the middle of the night by taking a chainsaw to his door. White-blonde hair was sticking out at odd angles, his eyes were dull and the color was muted, and his posture appeared tired and slightly agitated.

"What?" He asked simply, no malice behind the question.

"I came to check on you, Zane. You have been gone for a little over three weeks now. The team is worried," Sensei explained carefully, and the Ice Ninja seemed surprised.

"Has it really been that long?" He asked quieter, and Sensei nodded.

"If you don't mind, Zane, I would like to see how you've organized the workshop."

The android thought for a moment, and then nodded, stepping back to allow his mentor inside.

Sensei was expecting some clutter here and there, but an overall clean workspace. However, that was not what met his eyes.

There seemed to be an unfinished project on the table, and blueprints scrawled in the Ice Ninja's blocky handwriting were littered about the floor and the cot set up by the bench. The stove was clean and dusted, but that only made the elder more sick at the thought of Zane neglecting himself.

"Zane, this has gone on long enough," He stated, trying to make sense of the templates, and a lot had writing that had been crossed out angrily.

"What, me staying here?" The Ice Ninja asked, offering his teacher the only chair that wasn't cluttered while he sat on the kitchen counter.

"Yes. I know you cherish your solitude, my student, but holing yourself away in your most emotionally fragile state is dangerous."

"Emotionally fragile?" Zane scoffed. "Sensei, you and I both know that my emotions aren't hormonally based, and therefore not nearly as delicate as a human's."

Zane's tone implied that he genuinely assumed that his teacher shared the same mindset, and Sensei shook his head sadly.

"That's where you've gone wrong. Simply because you have gone through this grief before doesn't mean that you are mentally equipped to handle it once again."

The Ice Ninja eyed his mentor grimly.

"That wasn't the point that I was making."

"You and I both know that your information is false, Zane."

"But you don't know," The android seethed through his teeth, and Wu decided not to call Zane out for his disrespectful tone this time. He weighed his options, and steeled himself for his student's reaction with an exhale.

"Zane, what I _do_ know that your father would have been incredibly disappointed to see you in this state. You isolating and dehumanizing yourself is the exact opposite of what he wanted for you."

Zane was shocked, eyes immediately turning glassy with tears at the thought of his father feeling any sort of negative emotion, especially towards him. Sensei tried to not to cave to his usually emotionally stable student crumbling in front of him, but this behavior of self-destruction was too much for the Ice Ninja to bear.

"Sensei," Zane's voice cracked, and although his mouth formed more words, nothing came out. He threw away the possibility of communicating what he was feeling with words as he slapped a hand over his mouth to muffle a sob that was a long time waiting after weeks of ignoring himself in favor of his work.

"Zane," Sensei said after a pause, moving forward to face his student, resting a gentle hand on his back. "Your father loved you with every ounce of his being. As do your brothers and sister. I am not asking you to move on, I am merely asking you to realize what you're doing to yourself."

Zane nodded silently, trembling from the strain of trying not to cry.

"If I may ask, what was the project you were working on?"

Zane removed his fingers from his lips, the skin dry with the cold.

"I thought if I modified my own blueprints..." He trailed off with a seize of his throat, raw from emotion. He rested his shaking hands on his mentor's free one, head landing in the crook of Sensei's collarbone.

"Sensei?"

"Yes, Zane?"

"I want to go home."

* * *

The team cheered when Zane arrived back, squeezing him into hugs and happy hellos. He responded with pleasantries, but the team could tell they were strained, although they were just happy to have him home. Sensei watched as he ate the first meal he had in weeks, although he showed no indication of that fact except for the small smile that graced his features. He also watched as the team tiptoed around asking about the ice sculptures, and Sensei was glad he never told his pupils about the third one. The ones they saw were heartbreaking enough. When the Ice Ninja went to bed, Sensei summoned the others to his room, a plan formulating as he heard Zane settled in for a rare good night's sleep.

* * *

Zane woke up the next morning to a very quite home. Although it appeared to be nothing out of the ordinary as of late, the fact that his friends were so silent was concerning. He lightly tread out of his room, only to see tinsel lining the hallway, twinkling lights shining through the colorful decorations. Bewildered, he made his way to the kitchen, only to see Kai peacefully sipping his coffee with a festive mug, dressed in an ugly sweater and sitting on the counter.

"Happy holidays, Frosty," He grinned, the nickname more appropriate than ever.

"Kai, what is all this?" Zane asked incredulously, and the Fire Ninja shrugged.

"You missed the big day, dude. We thought we'd give you a little dose of holiday cheer."

"Thank you, really, but where is everyone else?"

"C'mon," Kai set his mug down and beckoned Zane out the door instead of answering his question. The pair walked down the hall and into the gaming room, which was pitch black with the blinds shut. Kai waited until Zane was in the door, and flicked on the lights with a flourtish.

In the center stood the rest of the team, decked out in similar attire with stupid grins on their faces.

"Surprise!" Jay shouted, and ran forward to tug Zane into the center of the ninja mosh pit, and they all sang out of tune carols while dumping their presents that had been intended to be gifted over a week ago into his arms.

"I-" Zane stuttered, looking around his friends, no, his _family_. "Thank you all. For everything."

Cole smiled. "No prob, Bob."

"My name is Zane," The Ice Ninja deadpanned before letting out a small laugh, and the coldness from his father's death was slowly replaced by the warmth of his team's love.

Well, the specially made hot chocolate that Jay had prepared didn't hurt either.


End file.
